Clean Your Sh*t Up

An Ode to Schole, Gene

2010-11-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

An Ode to Scholes, Gene - Anon

Scholes, Gene - is NOT Mr. Clean.

I'm not being mean - but there's proof on the scene.

He does not enter time.

Nor does he pay for his crime.

He leaves us a mess

Gloria suffers much distress.

The dishes are neglected.

The microwave's dejected.

The coffee stains sit.

Man, we live in a pit.

Please do your time Gene, (both literally and figuratively)

So that we, the folks of the Wire

No longer live in your mire.

Giovanni had a party with a Citrus and his Mistress

2010-01-20T06:52:00.000-08:00

Giovanni (the office apparition) must have had a Ghost of a Good time last night... he hosted a coffee social with some of his nearest and dearest...
Mr. Grapefruit caused quite the scandal when he arrived with another source of Vitamin C - Le Orange - the french hussy.

These banshees and their seedy friends - they sure did leave behind a mess...

We MUST teach our poltergeist some manners if he intends to socialize in our absence - or at least ask for an invite to the party.

I'm sure with the GREAT example we set - this should be difficult.

A Tale of Two Microwaves

2009-06-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of frozen meals & leftover lunches - it was a time in which microwaves were essential to the culinary success of any individual. Alas, in their haste to use, use, use and use said microwaves - they go uncared for - depleted of resources and ultimately left abandoned.

Forsaken with nothing but encrusted bits of food and dried splatters of cooking lubricants, the microwaves took to prostituting themselves in the hopes of finding one desperate hungry man in need of quickly warmed food or beverage.

Facing extinction, a savior abounds - renewing their interior aluminum surfaces with blue sponges, warm soapy water and paper towels - making them fit for use by the masses! Resurrected, these warming machines live to serve your meals. Use them, but use them wisely.

Death by Disposal

2009-05-13T13:15:00.001-07:00

Approximately 7:15 am, Tuesday morning - a loyal member of our team almost lost their life when nearly shoved into the garbage disposal. Thanks to the vigilance of a passer-by... Sr. Spoonsalot was saved and returned to his workstation to complete his duty.

Unfortunately that bowl wasn't so lucky. RIP bowl... RIP.

Go to your home!

2009-05-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

This photo essay documents the "lone bowl" finding its way home to an empty dishwaster.

E X P O S E D

2009-04-01T08:44:00.001-07:00

WARNING: X Rated paper towel roll in the kitchen. Cover your eyes if easily offended by nudity. Children and Teens under the age of 18 will not be admitted to this show.

R E S P E C T

2009-03-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

The kitchen is a metaphor for how much we show R E S P E C T to our fellow office inhabitants.

Leave it the way you found it.

My mother told me to return things the way I found them. i.e. If I used the coffee grinder, and it was clean when I took it out to use it, then I would return it clean for the next user - out of

R E S P E C T.

The way you found it.

The way you left it.

Help others in need.

No, it's not your week. But you notice the dishwasher says "Clean" and the sink looks like this:

Show R E S P E C T and consideration for others - take a moment to unload the dishwasher, load it up, set it to run, so in the morning we start out fresh.

Utter DIS-R E S P E C T

Running on E

2009-02-27T14:27:00.000-08:00

I'm runnin' outta material. It can't be THIS easy to get you to clean your sh*t up! Don't make me repurpose this blog... (or start staging things for blog fodder.)

This is an odd way of doing it - but T H A N K Y O U for a week where the most prominent issue was the alleged "mislabeled dishwasher."

And now for some REAL entertainment.

A Poll

2009-02-26T06:51:00.000-08:00

Use the poll on the right to answer this "Why, when the dishwasher says "dirty," and it is not full, do you place your dirty dishes in the sink?"

The Unspoken Law

2009-02-24T06:29:00.000-08:00

To preserve anonymity, not photos of the ACTUAL incident were taken. Not to mention, most people don't travel to the restroom camera in hand.

This post comes with the request to please flush your toilet after use. We're not trying to preserve water with the "if it's yellow, let it mellow" philosophy. However if you are not familiar with the toilet S.O.P (standard operating procedure), allow me to remind you: utilize the handle affixed to the toilet to flush your waste away. This is an invention that dates back to ancient Rome so really there’s no reason we should not be up to date on this technology.

...Thank Goodness is was Yellow.

F A I L U R E to load

2009-02-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

Can you tell me what the word on the dishwasher says? Sound it out if you need to.D - I - R - T - Y
Duurr-tee
Dur-tee
Dir-ty
DIRTY!
YES - Dirty: soiled with dirt; foul; unclean

So... why, if the dishwasher says "Dirty," does the sink look like this?

and this

ANSWER!

The dishwasher (as we learned before) CANNOT load itself.

SOLUTION!

Place your dirty dishes in the dirty dishwasher!

Ring around the Rim

2009-02-22T08:48:00.000-08:00

This bowl went INTO the dishwasher looking like this

And CAME OUT of the dishwasher looking like this

Moral of this story: Please rinse out your dishes before placing them in the dishwasher.

F O U N D

2009-02-19T13:33:00.001-08:00

FOUND: Abandoned Chicken Piece. (It's hard to tell from this mobile image c/o an anon kitchen vigilante - it may appear to be a dead scorpion) This lonely chicken bit was found just yesterday afternoon, chillin there... on the counter - all by itself. In our effort to reunite chicken bits with their stir fried families, we ask for the owner of said chicken bit to please stop by the garbage disposal and claim it. Sadly, it was euthanized shortly after it was found - it was suffering from soy sauce separation.

Lesson: Help save the lonely chicken bits of the world. Show them enough respect to dispose of them with their sodium enriched family members. Do not make them suffer ALONE on the counter.

Yeah...THAT'S going to work GRRREAT...

2009-02-19T06:40:00.000-08:00

Oh, please forgive my manners! I have failed to introduce you to our close friend - the dishwasher. Dishwasher, meet dish dirtiers, dish dirtiers - dishwasher.

Dishwasher, not knowing ALL of your names (appears some of you haven't taken the time to become familiar with him), asked me to remind you of the proper way to load him so that HE can do the BEST job he's able to given his severe technological constraints. As advanced as he is, he's not top of the line. We're accepting of his shortcomings.

The following image illustrates the WRONG way to load Dishwasher.

What's wrong with this picture? Dishes askew. Bowls stacked atop each other (when there is plenty of room for them to have their own space!) Glass shoved inside of a bowl - Seriously? Not only is this just LAZY, it prevents us from utilizing the full capacity of Dishwasher and thus maximizing our use of his energy and water supply.

The following illustrates the proper way to load Dishwasher to achieve maximum washing capacity and efficiency.
GO FORTH with knowledge and power all ye dish dirtiers and dirty them well! Be sure to pre-rinse, remove lipstick smudges and LOAD LOAD LOAD Dishwasher full!

Here's to you Crusty Toaster Pan User

2009-02-18T12:02:00.001-08:00

Dear Crusty Toaster Pan User
I'm not trying to get you down, or keep you from enjoying your toasted delights. I just want to be able to use the toaster oven when you're done.

I can understand if you experienced an "over-toasting" by which some of your food burned to the pan, I also understand that the result of an over-toasting is often difficulty in removal of crusty leftovers. Here are some alternatives to leaving this sitting next to the sink, unattended and unexplained:

1. apply dishsoap and soak
2. wash it off with a scrubby pad (free to use thanks to our wonderful company)
3. revisit steps one and two then place in the dishwasher
Thank you.